Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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