My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
