If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
