Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
