Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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