Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
