I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
