i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
