Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
