Already got asked if we're dating
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
