did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize