i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
