True but thats because hes a fetus.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
