Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
