I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
