Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
