we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
