Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
