Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize