Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
