Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
