Are we in a gay sports bar?
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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