But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
