If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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