I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
