he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
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