she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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