I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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