i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
