Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
where are my eyebrows?
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