does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Porn is love you can see.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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