im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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