well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
