I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize