she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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