i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
