we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
