get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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