She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
