don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It's never too late to be topless.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
