If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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