I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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