I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
