Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
