I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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