the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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