y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
