Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
