did you get engaged???
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
