u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
