The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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