I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
