I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
