today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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