I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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