Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
