why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
