I want to have your abortion
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I came so hard my ears popped.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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