you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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