you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
