I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize