Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
no you cant smoke seaweed
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
