How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize