when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
