i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
my poor anus
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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