I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
