if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
