Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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