i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
