I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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