Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
