I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
