just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
